Dear Aunt Connie,
I’m so sorry I missed our meeting a couple of weeks ago. I was really looking forward to hanging out with you and catching up on things, but I fell and sprained my foot, laying me up for quite a while. I suppose if I’d known I’d be making it up here (which is to say never getting to make it up at all in this life), I would have done a better job of pushing through. This is how we learn, I guess.
In a time like this, it is traditional to look back on our relationship and recount all of the memories, milestones, and moments we shared. I’m trying real hard to be be a grown-up and elucidate for all of the world the tremendous impact you had on my life, but I think you’ll be proud to learn that as I travel that road in my mind, I keep being distracted by colorful billboards along the route, all touting a common blaring theme: PUNS! They’re everywhere, highlighting every get-together in our shared history. Some examples:
-Did you hear about the man whose entire left side had to be amputated? He’s all right now.
-You know, I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
-I’m so poor I can’t even afford to pay attention!
-A dyslexic poet writes inverse.
-I get my large circumference from too much pi.
-(and my personal favorite) Time sure is fun when you’re having flies.
This is all your doing, of course. Are these not some of the carefully crafted interjections you employed to upend and uplift every conversation at impossible to anticipate moments? I reluctantly admit that I have never been a fan of puns; yet they bring me immense comfort today on this stroll down memory lane. They decompress the tension, reminding me of your inimitable spirit and humor.
I can never thank God enough for our time together. You modeled friendship, worship, and unconditional love to me, and I relish every moment – yes, even the puns. I can’t wait to see you again in heaven and finally have that meeting we missed. Until then, this is me thanking you publicly for everything.
I assure you and everyone here: I had a LOT of flies.